COMMENTARY: Pink, purple October - Deadly disease, domestic violence awareness change colors of fall

  • Published
  • By Ellen Hatfield
  • 349th Public Affairs
TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. --  "No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are possible." George Chakiris

Ah, October! The month heralds the true arrival of fall. Mother Nature paints the trees in vivid hues, gilds the landscape with sparkling morning frosts, and sends her brother Wind to whistle around every corner in gleeful abandon. Halloween, dressed in the colors of orange and black, with a final bow, drops the curtain on October.

Today, two new colors give greater meaning to the month of October. Since the mid-1980s, pink has been used to observe breast cancer awareness, and purple pays homage to domestic violence awareness.

I've never had breast cancer, but I have a beautiful friend, who is now battling it valiantly. In solidarity with her, I'm sporting a new buzz cut to match hers. Her courage, positive attitude, serenity and sense of humor are an inspiration to me, and our team.

I was a victim of domestic violence for 10 years in my second marriage. In my other, it was years of iron-fisted control, and subtle emotional abuse and cruelty. They both prove that domestic violence crosses all boundaries - social, economic, religious, cultural and more. All three of my husbands served in the military; two retired honorably.

In spite of the higher standard those of us who serve, or served, are held to, no one at my previous base knew how bad it was, until January 19, 2004, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. Irony: my son and I fought for our lives on the same day a great peacemaker was born. The husband who pledged to love me "till' death do us part," could have killed us both.

But I've told my story to many of you before. Like other women, I was afraid to leave, afraid to try and make it alone, provide for my two children, find a measure of financial security. Mostly, I was afraid he'd come after all three of us, but his rage was greatest again them.

Using his usual horrific language, he told me if my children would just leave - go somewhere, he didn't care - we'd be fine. They were the problem. You can't expect someone who is narcissistic and a sociopath to think otherwise. Gone was the sweet, romantic guy who couldn't do enough for me. He disappeared six months into the marriage. It was his occasional reappearance that made me stay, hoping that my love, compassion and caring would fix what was irreparably broken.

Last year, during October, Travis conducted a social experiment to examine the effects of domestic violence. A number of Airmen were made up with black eyes, facial bruising, and more. Who would be concerned enough to ask about it. Who would offer to help, or report what they saw. The goal of awareness was achieved.

This year, Travis's Balfour Beatty Community Center hosted "A Beautiful You," to celebrate, support, and remember those who have experienced either domestic violence or breast cancer, in some capacity.

Nelson Mandela said, "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." If you know someone who is suffering domestic abuse, or battling breast cancer, reach out a hand, catch them as they fall, and help them to their feet. Then stand beside them, as they travel on their journey. You never know where it might lead you. It led me to see beyond the pain, to joy in every moment.